Part 6d of my Magic Test of Seven
My learning’s from the book: Toen ik je zag – Mijn leven met Antonie written by Isa Hoes. (When I saw you – My life with Antonie)
I would like to start off with a few facts as per Wikipedia:
Suicide resulted in 842,000 deaths in 2013 up from 712,000 deaths in 1990. This makes it the 10th leading cause of death worldwide. Rates of successful suicides are higher in men than in women, with males three to four times more likely to kill themselves than females. There are an estimated 10 to 20 million non-fatal attempted suicides every year. Non-fatal suicide attempts may lead to injury and long-term disabilities.
Even though many people suffer from depression, it remains a taboo topic. Something “you don’t talk about”. Yet talking about it is essential.
That’s why I’m very grateful that Isa had the courage to write this book. Because it does take courage. Especially for someone that stands in the spotlight. Those with the highest impact also take the highest risks.
Isa is a famous Dutch actress; she started off her career in a Dutch soap opera, where she met her to-be husband the actor Antonie Kamerling. They married, had two children and a life filled with countless different artistic projects. At the same time, Antonie was constantly seeking. Going to the very edge of himself. He completely lost himself in his roles and was far from easy on himself.
Aristotle noted: “Those who have been eminent in philosophy, politics, poetry, and the arts have all had tendencies toward melancholia.”
Show business is a hard business. Antonie managed to make it even harder. Tried out everything possible to find “himself” not realizing he was beautiful the way he was. The audience loved him. But it wasn’t enough. Or the contrary could be true as well, and it was too much. The constant imbalance that lived deep inside made it hard to find happiness in the everyday moments. He had them. Many of them. Isa describes so many beautiful moments they had together. A beautiful man, with a beautiful wife, with two healthy children, a wonderful career and nonetheless this constant quest. A quest for what?
Isa’s opening sentence put it beautifully: “I could not look into your head, I wish I’d could. Or would it have been as dreadful for me as it was for you? “
Somewhere in the book I read: “Looking back, I think Antonie was searching for someone who told him how to live his life.”
This sentence really struck with me. So many people are looking for others to give them advice, they go to seminars, read countless books, they mediate, they talk to experts. They seem open, open to change, open to try, open minded. But at the same time something blocks them from letting it in.
There is this huge wall, and it takes a ton of perseverance and time to take down such walls. Brick, by brick, by brick. And sometimes it just does not work out. Farewell Antonie. You live on in the hearts of others.
Good luck Isa, writing is one of the best therapies to stay sane and to realize all the things and the moments you do have to be grateful for. To me, this book was a wonderful example of a win-win situation, and I am very happy to read through many internet comments that Isa her book has a big impact on many other people’s lives. They realize they are not alone.
We are all in this together. Let’s be there for another and live. Just live.
