When people die, it is often harder for those who stay behind, than for those who leave this world.
Dying is part of living. Life goes on. It sounds so cliché. But it is so true. It is much easier to accept when you are not afraid. I believe something magical will happen when we die. It is a big secret that I am not keen to unwrap quite yet. But the moment will come – and it might come unexpected.
When it does, I want my family and friends to know, that they need not to be sorry. Because already here and now I can say, I had a fulfilling life.
A while ago I watched Brene Browns TED talk about vulnerability and feeling worthy. To me vulnerability comes from feeling embraced. It is – yet again – one of those reinforcing circles. When you are vulnerable, people tend to put their arms around you. They want to protect you, help you, be there for you. When you had that experience, you learn that by letting your emotions come out, you get comfort and the pain releases. In turn you become even more vulnerable.
A tear is running down my face whilst writing this and I have no idea why. Perhaps I do. Someone died yesterday. Someone I travelled with 20 years ago. We were on the road for an entire year. Back then I was 19 and our group counted nearly 150 young people. I never really got to know her. We spend an entire year together and I can’t recall any of our conversations. I was too busy living. After that year on the road, we went separate ways. We haven’t seen nor spoken since. Our group still has a Facebook page. Up with people Cast D 94. I started spending a lot more time on Facebook lately. You find out things you would never even know otherwise.
Would I miss anything if I had not known. I am not sure. I was very unsure what to write. Many commented with RIP. I had to think twice what that even stands for. Some people wrote it out. Rest in peace. I wanted to write something else. But what do you write, when the topic is so delicate and the person is not someone you are personally close to.
I ended up posting a poem and felt obliged to add, that I did not actually know her very well, but that I was sure, she will live on in the hearts of others. Looking at her Facebook page, I am very sure she will. She will even live on in mine. I can picture her face. I can picture her smile. I can even see her dancing on stage. The fact that I don’t really know her, does not mean she wasn’t part of my life. And even though she died too young, I think she lived a more intense life than many others.
Perhaps that is what I feel. When you embrace life to the fullest you can also embrace dying. It goes hand in hand. If you let life surprise you, beautiful things happen and some sad things as well. But life is what you make of it. It is in your own hands.
We may not have control over what comes on our path, but we do control the roads we take. Moreover being vulnerable & getting embraced, prepares you for a journey where it does not matter, which direction you take. As whatever comes your way, there will be people around you, that will be there for you. That will help you, to move on, to keep going and discover new paths.
Write new stories. Your own stories.
Here is the poem I posted from Mary Frye:
“If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away. Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.
No farewell words were spoken, no time to say good-bye. You were gone before I knew it and only God knows why. My heart still aches in sadness and secret tears still flow, what it meant to lose you, no one will ever know.
I thought that I would miss you so, and never find my way. And then I heard the angel say “he’s with you every day.” “The sun, the moon, the wind, the stars, will forever be around, reminding you of the love you shared, and the peace he’s finally found.” Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow, I am the softly falling snow. I am the gentle showers of rain, I am the fields of ripening grain. I am in the morning hush, I am in the graceful rush. Of beautiful birds in circling flight, I am a star shining in the night. I am in the flowers that bloom, I am in a quiet room. I am in the birds that sing, I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there. I did not die! ”
