2020 has begun. A new year, a new decade. Before jumping into all the projects lined up for 2020, I’d like to take a moment to look back. Like the past year’s, I’ll go by the alphabet, including the challenge not to repeat a word I’ve already used in the past five years.
This might be a rather unconventional way of going about a year-in-review.
There’s power in doing things just slightly different.
P.S. If you are more into pictures. Here’s my 2019 photo-stream.
Here we go:
Alzheimer — On the 21st of September it is World Alzheimer Day. It’s also my dads Birthday. In 2019 this day even had a triple meaning for me, as on that day, I handed my father my book 42 — An unexpected Gift. When my brother asked him that morning how old he turned he said: Fifty? It was a most elegant way to avoid saying “I don’t remember” and he said it with such a charming smile that it warmed my heart. It was a lovely joyous day surrounded by friends and family.
It is sad knowing that my father won’t be able to illustrate another book, but, boy, am I proud we were able to finish this one together! And I am just as proud of my mom, she turned seventy this year, still looks like a diva (shining on local TV twice last year) and even when things are far from easy, she keeps finding ways to keep going strong. Applause, applause from me.
Beef Wellington — It turned out my son is quite a gourmet. He was determined to make Beef Wellington and after watching dozens of YouTube videos, we made a most gorgeous looking, and even more deliciously tasting, Beef Wellington on two occasions. It is a joy to stand in the kitchen with him. His calm nature and his precision are admirable.
Connection — In my 2018 review, I wrote about the luxury of having so much time at my disposal. In 2019, I had even more. Precious time, which made me be able to be at my parents when my mom needed to have surgery, when my parents celebrated their gold honeymoon, when my mom spend a night away with her sister to get out of the daily routine for a brief moment, as well as the days where together we cooked a network lunch for twenty-five ladies. Precious time as well, to spend with dear friends, on walks, sipping “tea at Tilda”, having dinners together and so on. One of the cards in my home office says:
Being somewhere is more important than getting somewhere.
There is a lot of truth to this. Perhaps more than we often tend to live by…
Dankbarkeitstagebuch — On a random day last February, I decided to start a new Insta-project under the name @morgenszirkusabendstheater I started to post something I was thankful for. What was started out of a whim, became a project that led me through the entire year. There is a lots of literature that proofs the wonderful effects of being grateful and tracking your moments of gratitude. Looking through my 270+ posts makes me incredibly grateful.
Life is about the little things ❤︎.
Call it cliché if you want, but why not try it out!
Editor — Working on my story with a professional editor, was one of the best learning experiences of the past years. One can read books, take courses, rewrite and rewrite but having someone else dive into your story and suggest edits was simply awesome. Red lines everywhere. Rework is demanding, but it made me realize how much I enjoy the polishing and the scratching. A book is never finished but at one point it has to be ready. I was grateful for having the 21st of September deadline and for knowing, I did everything I possibly could, to make this book the very best book I was able to produce.
Free — One morning, as I wrote in my daily journal, I thought about freedom and about the many ways of feeling free. It might sound paradoxical but we are even free to be unfree. So often we’re told to go our own way and discard what those around us say. Don’t care so much about other people’s opinions is a rather common piece of advice. But fact is I care a lot about what other people say. In that way, you could call me unfree. I am far away from any sort of detachment. That morning, as I sat there, I realized that I am free to depend on others. I don’t want to rely only on my own superpowers and my own opinions. I don’t think it is wise to only depend on our own opinion, nor on a single other person’s opinion either. Rather than being free from what others think, we must keep inquiring and keep being curious about how others see things. We rely on each other, and it is good that way.
In the book Tuesdays with Morrie it said:
“In the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right?’ His voice dropped to a whisper. ‘But here’s the secret: in between, we need others as well.”
I want to thank the people around me, who gave me their piece of mind.
German Grammar — Even after more than twenty years, I never properly learned German grammar. The last two pages of my book, which contain my Thank You’s, were accidentally printed un-edited and those two pages contain a whooping 102 spelling mistakes…When I found out, for a moment, I was speechless. Then I shrugged my shoulders and decided it is what it is. At the German book reading, when I confessed my blunder, everyone told me it was refreshing rather than shameful. Someone compared it with the movie outtakes, she adored watching. It’s hard to be proud of your flaws, but it is wonderful knowing that others judge you based on the entire package and that
It is perfectly fine to be absolutely imperfect.
My gratitude journal is full of grammar flaws and for 2020 I’ve decided to start a new website and not let my grammar deficits hinder me from publishing in English ánd in German.
Habits — At the start of this year, I created a monthly habit tracking sheet. I filled it with a long list of things I wanted to track and ended up keeping track for I believe all of January. Yesterday, while searching for it for hours, I found all sorts of things but not the infamous tracking sheet. I seem to have buried it real well 😎. Should I interpret that fact in a philosophical way 😁.
No… I do believe our habits are a big part of who we are. Rather than continuing my search, I added a post on habits to my blog www.bigwigwords.com After that, spending more time on searching the lost sheet seemed redundant even though
I adored the unavoidable discovery process that comes as a side effect of searching for something.
Italy — a big highlight of the year was our three-week family trip to Italy. After having spent the past seven or eight summers in the Netherlands, driving through Italy was an adventure. We saw the west coast, the east coast, drove up the Venice where we spend a couple of days, to end our summer vacation at a lovely lake called Idrosee. That last week had absolutely everything we could have wished for. Great food, the lake right in front of the apartment, an exciting canyoning day, where we jumped 10 meters into ice-cold water and slid down 58 meters along rock walls. None of us had ever been canyoning like that before! A great experience to look back at fondly for years to come.
Job applications — I sent out several applications and some of these jobs, I would’ve been keen on taking on. It is hard to explain, but whatever regret I may have felt the moment of receiving a rejection, it vanished in no time, There is something out there, that has my name written on it. I know quite a few people, who have gone through rough times applying for jobs. They looked back at that time with horror. I deliberately call my time off a mini-retirement. Which means, I get to do things other people may wait to do until they retire. Like writing a book! Making the most of this time is the most sensible thing to do.
When again will I have so much time that is not dictated by anyone else’s agenda?
Filling this precious time with existential anxiety is not going to do anyone any good. May 2020 bring what it will bring!
Kickstarter — My biggest learning for 2019, next to editing the book, has been setting up a Kickstarter Fundraising Campaign. Putting together the videos, the verbatim etc. and then going out there and telling everyone about it, pushed me way out of my comfort zone. Six weeks long, I was not sure at all whether the effort would pay off, then, three days before the campaign ended, the goal was achieved. These campaigns are all or nothing, which makes them like roller coaster rides. Reading Amanda Palmer’s book “The Art of Asking” during the time was very enlightening.
”It is easier not to ask. Fear of rejection is bigger than whatever is asked for.”
I never expected it to be so hard to ask people to sponsor my book project. Every time a new backer joined in, it filled me with great love and gratitude.
Merci, merci beaucoup, to all my friends, and their friends, and some total strangers, for helping me make a dream come true.
Lighthouse — In the village I grew up in, there is a lighthouse at the coastline. Volunteers help keep it intact and as soon as the winter passes it opens up for the public to climb the stairs and have a lovely ocean view. When I married my husband, we made pictures at the lighthouse. One of those photos covers my phone, so I carry that memory with me wherever I go. Last summer, there was an exposition in the lighthouse of artwork from local artists. My dad got to display his sailboats and he even sold two pieces of work. Both of my parents volunteer at the lighthouse since years and even when my dad can’t be of much help any longer, he still comes along and is part of the group. Perhaps the ocean keeps people young at the heart.
Morningpages — I am a journaler. Every year, I fill several notebooks. Last October, a read about the morningpage habit, where you write three pages every morning. It turned out this is a wonderful structure for continuity and brevity. Since then I’ve written my three pages almost every day. It takes me between 10 and 20 minutes and when they are filled, I start the day with a fresh mind.
Network — Being part of BFBM (Bundesverband für Frauen in Business in Management) and also Being Global in Bergisch Gladbach brings me the joy of meeting new people and new friendships start to build. The motto of BFBM is “women support women” which is something I wholeheartedly support. Last January, I ran a workshop at one of our DFBM evenings called Am I still me? It’s a great place to grow and test ideas and receive genuine feedback. When I was asked to take the lead of our regional group in Cologne I gladly accepted.
Ought to — Years back, I wrote a short post called The great thing about the word should Certain ideas come back to us again and again. The should/ought to-idea is one of those. So often, we feel like we should do this, we ought to do that etc. and even the very opposite happens as well. We know, we are not obliged, we could easily say no, but we feel like doing it anyway because it feels like the right thing to do. This is where our freedom lies. Our freedom to do things our way. The great thing is that over the years, I’ve received so much encouragement for living in line with this idea, this realisation. People respect it when you don’t just blindly run by the rule book and I’m glad they do.
Podcasts — 2018 was the year I discovered ebooks, 2019 was the year, I discovered podcasts. My current favourites: The Tim Ferriss Show, The TED Interview, MUTmuskeltraining Tanja Peters, The Writing Coach, Erfolgreich im Herzbusiness, Happier with Gretchen, The Brendon Show and Commune with Jeff Krasno. Adding Podcasts to the mix did mean I consumed fewer books. I still keep track of them on Goodreads and ended the year at exactly 60 books, which was my reading challenge goal for 2019. If you want to see what I read here is my 2019 Goodreads Year-in-Books.
For this year challenge, I’ve put in only 24 books. Rather than reading new books, I am keen to re-read and write a lot more than I did in 2019. Another idea I am seriously playing with is to start my own podcast 😊.
Quiet — When I get up during the weekend whilst everyone else in the house is still sound asleep, I sit on our living room sofa and all I hear is the sound of the birds. There are many birds in our tiny garden, hummingbirds, woodpeckers, pigeons, Black-billed Magpies, sparrows, you name it. Occasionally a squirrel speeds by as well. This quiet time has become very dear to me.
Readings — This year I did two readings. One in the Netherlands, when I handed my book to my father and another one in Germany where I live. Both readings were a thrilling experience.
I absolutely loved reading out loud and seeing and sensing the audience’s response.
If there is something I would like to repeat in 2020 than it is doing another reading!
Surprises — I adore surprises. In 2019 I threw my husband a surprise party for his Birthday and he did not at all see it coming. It was great fun. When one of our neighbours had his birthday, another neighbour and me were at a loss as to what to gift him and we ended up organising him a home-cooked “Senioren-Menü”. I am not sure if there is an English word for this. It is basically a dinner for elderly people. For those who can’t bite as well anymore. We did a hilarious planning session for this six-course meal and it tasted much better than you might think! I’ve been blessed myself with unexpected phone calls, cards and little gifts that made my heart sing. Also during my Kickstarter, some of our friends really surprised me by showing their support in incredibly generous ways. Here is to more surprises! Keep them going!
Tuur — Talking about surprises, my mom also keeps surprising me. She is always on to another project. One of the many projects she has been steering in 2019 was a storytelling bike-tour from the Netherlands across the border to Belgium. She wrote a smuggle story for this tour, in which the main character called Tuur, smuggled butter in his backpack while biking across the border. There was a ring involved, a little love story, a jealous neighbour, a shooting, a defect bike, a confidentially agreement signed in a bar, and so on. All year-round, the region I grew up in, is visited by dozens and dozens of German tourists. Therefore my mom asked me to translate the story and the route in German. Which I happily did. If you’re ever in the South of the Netherlands at the coastline and you love to bike than let me know, you can follow the TUUR-trail!
Unknowns — One of the difficult parts of doing a mini-retirement is dealing with all the unknowns. What lies ahead? What would I like to lie ahead? What would I need to do, to shape, what lies ahead? What can I do to shape, that what is to come? Each of these questions has dozens of answers, each day new ones got added, and as there is hardly anything I can’t imagine doing, too few got rejected. So all these versions kept following me around. It could drive one nuts. I am glad though that I can confidently say it did not. Re-reading my morningpages assured me that I’m well equipped to deal with all the unknowns of life. There is this deep-rooted sense of aliveness at my very core that makes relativizing and re-energizing ever more effortless.
“Learn what is to be taken seriously and laugh at the rest.” — Hermann Hesse
Vietnam — A few months ago, one of the members of Being global in Bergisch Gladbach asked if I would be willing to present my book in Vietnam at a literary festival. At first, I was flabbergasted. Me. Going to Vietnam? To present my book? Wow! So we met up and well, as I mentioned before, I love surprises. So I said yes, sure I would like to do that. Right now my book is being translated into Vietnamese! I’ve done the page setting for the first 21 chapters. Looking at those pages, with totally unfamiliar signs and words, makes me all joyful and excited.
Walks — In 2019, I didn’t walk by far as much as I did in 2018, and that’s ok.
It is not about the miles we go, it is about the joy in the miles.
Walking is a bit like writing. Both bring me back to my core. If you see the photos in my year in pictures you may get what I mean.
Iphone X — Since two years, my first self-bought smartphone has been my companion now. Slowly, I start to understand the smartphone addiction that is so often topic nowadays. The minimalist have a slogan that goes like this:
“Love People, Use Things. Not the other way around.”
So I won’t say I love my phone, but I do love the things I can do with my phone. Connect with friends, capture nature, keep up my Insta-appreciation journal, take pictures of my gorgeous friends, create patterns… I almost forgot…I created thousands of patterns of everyday little things that caught my eye and then turned them into tiny works of joy.
Yearly income — The past three years my yearly income has been negative. As you can imagine that’s hardly sustainable. Especially not if you want to go to Vietnam, launch another book, join one of your best friends on a trip to New York for her 50th Birthday and so on.
I believe in being brutally honest about the status quo whilst being tremendously optimistic and open-minded about the future.
Whatever 2020 will bring, it is the year where I’m going to have a positive income again :-)
Zero Waste — Rather than zero income a good goal would be zero waste! We are still far from this goal, but we’re making progress. We properly separate waste, we buy more unpacked groceries, we take a bag to the store, we’ve ordered a new residual waste bin that is only half as large as the prior one, I’ve bought only a handful of clothes in 2019 and so on. Friday’s for future have their impact which is good, and necessary. And a good topic to wrap up this year-in-review.
Thank you for your interest in my year 2019. I hope you look back fondly on yours!
And I wish you a most terrific 2020. May you all bloom 🌷.
Love Titia
